You should close your eyes honey
by eden alice
Summary: Not long after Anne's confession Carla disappears from their lives... Carla/Michelle
1. Chapter 1

You should close your eyes honey, let the moments melt away

In the end it takes Michelle just over eight months to track down Carla's new mobile number and another week to control her emotions enough to call the other woman. She wondered if her tenacity would be a surprise, Michelle had put a lot of time and effort into tracking down her friend who had clearly done her best to disappear.

She had refused to give up when it seemed everyone else had accepted the sudden disappearing act. She had never been so bloody minded before; she had never had to be, not when she had been carried by her brothers for most of her life. But she had learnt from the best. She'd always been both infuriated and impressed at how Carla never gave in.

Still she hoped that the sudden phone call annoyed the other woman a little, for all her concern Michelle had not forgiven her for running away and leaving her. She did not understand what had happened. They had finally won. Anne had confessed to murder and Carla was no longer the leading suspect and finally the truth was out. Frank was dead and the Connor's were back in the factory where they belonged. It had felt like the end of a dark chapter to Michelle. She thought things would get better and that they all could put it behind them.

But just as she thought Carla had survived the darkest months of her life she was gone. Four days after Frank's funeral her friend was left so quietly it was like she hadn't been there in the first place. Turns out Carla had such few belongings in Peter's flat that she managed to erase her presence in a worryingly short time.

Michelle had helped stop Peter from panicking and with Maria's help they had searched everywhere they could think of. Carla's phone number had already been disconnected and they had all been silently terrified that she had tried to hurt herself again.

Only Carla's solicitor appeared the next day with clear instructions. It meant that whatever had happened to Carla had been planned. Her savings had been withdrawn and that meant she was alive wherever she was. Then it hurt even more knowing Carla had run away from the people who cared, that she'd left Michelle when they had grown so close.

The factory had been left to Michelle, Carla had even secretly managed to buy Frank's share somehow. Ever the creatively practical business woman Carla had arranged for her flat to be rented and eventually as the solicitor explained, sold. It meant the police would not investigate the disappearance as there was no evidence of any wrong doing. They had said it was understandable, no matter how much everything in Michelle's body told her they were wrong. But then the police had always failed her friend and now it seemed Carla was relaying on their short sighted restrictions.

Peter had been furious and frantic with worry. Michelle had been disturbed by how consuming and desperate he seemed without his partner. It had been as if he was tearing himself apart without her. Like Carla was a bigger addiction than the booze. It was frightening and after her history with obsessive men Michelle briefly wondered if he sometimes sacred Carla too, without her sister in law around to explain it because all too easy for the rest them to place the blame upon one another.

There had been letters. Letters that appeared days later with no return address. Carla had taken the time to hand write them, her familiar scrawl more considered than normal, some sections smudged from being handled and considered for too long. The personal touch only angered Michelle.

There was nothing inside her letter that she did not think Carla could have told her in person. There was no explanation as to why only reassurances that it was for the best. That she knew the factory would be fine in Michelle's capable hands. That she was beyond grateful for her support and that her brothers would have been so proud of her.

Maria's had not said much more when they had compared. Only Carla took the time to apologise yet again for ruining Maria's life and expressed regret over the complicated history between them. Maria had visibly winced as Michelle read the words, Carla's deep-seated guilt impossible to ignore with physical evidence. They had come together because of Carla and now she had left them the power of their united force felt redundant.

Peter refused to share the content of his letter; clearly it contained something so private and personally important. He seemed to gain some kind of acceptance from whatever was said. And it was a relief to no longer have to worry about him drinking or doing something equally as silly as getting himself arrested. Even if Michelle had overheard Leanne mocking Peter with how even Carla couldn't stand to be around him. Peter only seemed to be focused on his son that even his bitterness at the loss went mostly unsaid.

It made for a strange dichotomy for Michelle. Her jealousy at how Carla had provided Peter with an explanation when she'd only been left with empty words and a factory, her anger at Carla not valuing their relationship enough to stay or even say goodbye properly.

And then as time went on, as she sat in Underworlds office alone she could not help but wonder if Carla had simply placated Peter. Maybe that was why he refused to talk about the missing woman, why it was as if he had given up. Because for all the drama their relationship had been over before it had even really started.

But Michelle refused to give up no matter how often Maria told her that maybe Carla did not want to be found. At the very least she wanted to hear an explanation face to face. She needed to make sure Carla was okay and shake her because they were family and you don't run away from family.

It might not have been logical but Michelle convinced herself that Carla had been a coward and that there was more that needed to be said between them. That maybe she knew Carla better than anyone. They might have had their ups and downs but when it mattered they had been a united front. Michelle was the only one left who knew the old Carla, the young girl before she developed that impenetrably polished veneer.

And so she had refused to let Carla take the easy way out even as she swallowed against her sudden nerves. With the factory finally empty for the night Michelle set about making herself a calming cup of tea, drumming her fingers against the table as she pressed her phone against her ear with her shoulder because if her hands were busy she would not hang up. She swallowed as the ringing started.


	2. Chapter 2

_Cheers for all the lovely reviews guys :). Sorry this has taken so long but I kept on having problems with the structure. In the end I just went with my original thought of screwing linear so you are getting flashbacks. Also a few of my laptop keys have been sticking but I did try to fix all the mistakes these may have made. So yeah, please review and let me know what you think._

* * *

><p>It was not something Michelle had ever planed to let happen. Hell, she had not ever let herself envisioned the possibility of it. And yet here she was, sweat slowly drying and sending a chill through her naked flesh. Even as she replayed the events of the evening she still did not comprehend how any of it had happened.<p>

She laid awake, limbs pleasantly heavy with her fading high as her heart slowed into a regular rhythm, she still expected Carla to disappear again. It was not logical. It was not as if Carla was about to get up and leave without saying a word when it was her own flat and it was not as if the other woman was about to disappear into thin air. But still after living so long without her Michelle could not help but steel herself against being left alone once more.

She had already lost far more precious people than she thought she could live through. As she watched her friend sleep she considered that they both had.

After all the years they had spent together Michelle had at least expected some emotionally distancing sarcasm. It was true that Carla had seemed to take deliberate care not to reveal much besides the practical reasons for her vanishing but through the act of sex it was as if she had shared something perhaps even deeper, perhaps a lie. So it had been a pleasant surprise that once they had finished Carla had squeezed her fingers affectionately before falling into a light sleep.

Maybe she was being naïve and the sex had been as tactical move as any she had ever accused he sister in law of making in the past but the tiny gesture had felt as honest as it had seemed chaste. It was almost as if Carla seemed content and that was not an aura she could remember seeing around the other woman for the longest time.

She had slept with the woman she had grudgingly called a sister and had grown to be grateful to call her best friend. The problem was not even that besides a few silly fantasies she considered herself strictly heterosexual but that she had never thought of this woman in that way and still couldn't begin to understand the implications of what they had done.

She just hoped that after everything she had not managed to become something else for Carla to run away from. But to have her back, to find her safe and looking fantastic had almost been too good to be true. To be able share such a level of physical intimacy, to touch and taste and confirm that fact with her body was beyond unbelievable.

Only the way her thighs were starting to ache already from straining towards deepening the other woman's touch and the way there already was a shadow of a bruise forming on the hollow of Carla's collar bone grounded them in reality. The mere knowledge of the bruises existence made Michelle smirk, to know that she had marked her lover; that maybe now she was literally under her friend's skin and she would not be able to forget her so easily this time. A small part of her delighted in being the dominate woman even if it had just been for a few passing moments. It wasn't fair that Carla got to call all of the shots all of the time. It wasn't fair that someone with such a large and infuriating presence selfishly thought she could just walk in and out of the lives of people who cared about her.

But for all the unanswered questions the act created Michelle could not bring her self to regret the sex, not yet anyway.

So while the other woman dozed Michelle's mind was too wild to let her rest. At first, once the astonishment had broken and she felt able to move again Michelle had to bite down into her lower lip to resist the childish urge to poke Carla until she woke up enough to hold a conversation. Then she had decided that for now, listening to the slow even pace of the sleeping woman's breathing was the perfect come down.

After everything that they had done together, to each other somehow it was the most innocent actions that seemed the naughtiest. If there was one thing Michelle had always been painfully aware off it was that Carla almost never let her guard down. Even eight months ago when they had been at their closest her friend had only relied on her support when it seemed as if there was no other way out.

While Carla had been on top of her, waves of dark hair falling like a veil and hiding her expression she had been almost untouchable for all the power she had to reduce Michelle to a shuddering mess. But sleeping and still, curled on her side it was one of the few times Carla had truly allowed herself to be vulnerable.

Pulling the sheet over stimulated, cold body before shivers could set in, no matter how much time Michelle took to take in the physicality of the situation the emotional side did not grow any clearer. How they had gone from meeting up for the first time in over half a year to falling into bed together.

Maybe it had been the alcohol although Michelle was only partly in denial about how her dependency on booze had increased over recent months. It seemed easiest way to distress after a tough day at work was to have a glass or two of wine when she no longer had anyone to talk too. It had thrown her how she had unconsciously taken on Carla's unhealthy habit as well as her business. It was even more uncomfortable when Carla seemed to have turned into a bit of a light weight when only a few months ago she had been borderline alcoholic.

Perhaps Michelle had taken advantage of her friend's drunken state. Perhaps Carla would wake up and feel violated and used all over again but Michelle convinced herself they had shared a mutual loss of control.

All she had wanted was to understand and make Carla understand how she had felt being left behind to worry and cope. Ideally she had dreamed of taking her back home ready to retake her thrown as queen of the local knicker empire and they could put all the pain of the last few years behind them. Even if life had taught her that it rarely lived up to the promise of ideals.

Know she worried if her actions would simply confuse mattes further and make Carla run so far away she wouldn't be able to track her down again.

It had been Carla that had kissed her first. They both knew it was inevitable once they had finally left the wine bar. But it had been as if Carla had to stay in control by being the dominate partner. But it had been Michelle who had made the first move by suggesting they share a taxi and that they retuned to Carla's rented flat rather than the faceless hotel room she had dumped her stuff inside.

She had been bold and affectionate and held Carla's waist tightly, pretending to be unsteady on her new heels. She had leaned a little too close when she had bushed the thick waves of hair away from those brilliant cheek bones and smiled against the other woman's full lips when Carla had backed her against the nearest convenient wall. In the end they almost did not make it to the bed.

In her moment of quiet contemplation Michelle couldn't help but be astounded by the beautiful woman who she shared a bed with; the fine network of blue veins under soft lightly tanned skin, the sharpness of her vertebra against the narrowness of her back. She was struck by just how fragile Carla seemed and how it made her strength all the more amazing.

Thee were a neat little row of words tattooed on Carla's side, following the path of a rib and ending just below the swell of a breast. The looping, strange handwriting was a surprise to Michelle. She wondered if it belonged to someone significant but did not recognise it as anyone from her own family. It was certainly too patient and practiced to be Carla's own witting. The position of the tattoo meant that it would sit discreetly under the line of a bra. Michelle was certain the body art was a recent addition even if she had not seen her friend naked while changing in the past. She had barely been able to stop herself pulling away as if burnt when she had peeled off the last pieces of Carla's clothing and come across the mysterious words.

'_Destroy everything you love before everything you love destroys you'_

She wonders if those words were meant for her to find or if they were a physical scar and reminder of what they had both shared and lost. She hoped there was not more heartache that Carla still had not confided with her but she could not be confident in that belief.

Michelle traced a gentle finger over the words as if she could read their secrets through touch telepathy. She found herself hating that someone she loved could be driven to put something so fierce beneath their skin. Her heart breaks a little for a woman who would never see her sympathy as anything other than pity. But a little part of her likes the mystery. She likes that it's her secret now too, even if she doesn't quiet understand the weight of its meaning yet she silently vows to find out.

Carla stirs in her sleep clearly irritated by Michelle's touch and mutters something unintelligible. Michelle only pulls her closer, pressing a light kiss to the base of her neck as she pulls the covers further over both their chilled bodies.

In the morning it might all be over but neither woman had been one to give up easily.


End file.
